Adele has revealed she suffered post-natal depression after giving birth to her son and felt like she had made “the worst decision of my life”.
The singer also said she is “too scared” to have another child.
She told Vanity Fair she loves her son Angelo, now four, more than anything but felt inadequate as a mother and had to spend time away from him after he was born.
She said: “My knowledge of postpartum — or post-natal, as we call it in England — is that you don’t want to be with your child; you’re worried you might hurt your child; you’re worried you weren’t doing a good job.
“But I was obsessed with my child. I felt very inadequate; I felt like I’d made the worst decision of my life… It can come in many different forms.
“Eventually I just said ‘I’m going to give myself an afternoon a week, just to do whatever the f*** I want without my baby’. A friend of mine said, ‘Really? Don’t you feel bad?’ I said, ‘I do, but not as bad as I’d feel if I didn’t do it’.”
The singer said she did not take anti-depressants and was reluctant to talk to anyone about how she was feeling.
She told the magazine: “I think it’s the bravest thing not to have a child; all my friends and I felt pressurised into having kids, because that’s what adults do.
“I love my son more than anything, but on a daily basis, if I have a minute or two, I wish I could do whatever the f*** I wanted, whenever I want. Every single day I feel like that.”
Asked about having another baby, she said the daughter her partner Simon Konecki has from a former marriage is her “get-out-jail-free card”, adding: “I’m too scared. I had really bad postpartum depression after I had my son, and it frightened me.”
The 28-year-old also admitted she used to be a “massive drinker”, and was drunk when she wrote her hit album 21 but has stopped smoking and cut back on drinking to just two glasses of wine a week since she underwent vocal surgery.
She told the magazine: “Having a hangover with a child is torture. Just imagine an annoying three-year-old who knows something’s wrong; it’s hell.”
She said she never had any interest in drugs because someone her family knew died of a heroin overdose but added: “I used to love to be drunk, but as I got more famous I would wake up the next morning and think, ‘What the f*** did I say and who the f*** did I say it to?’
“I never had blackouts, but when you’re drunk and you go to a party, you’ll talk to anyone. I can see from an outsider’s perspective that I will never write songs as good as the ones that are on 21, but I’m not as indulgent as I was then, and I don’t have time to fall apart like I did then.
“I was completely off my face writing that album, and a drunk tongue is an honest one.
“I would drink two bottles of wine, and I would chain-smoke. Then I’d write the lyrics down and the next morning think, ‘f***, that’s quite good’. Then I’d find the melody.
“But since I’ve had my baby, I’m not as carefree as I used to be. I’m scared of a lot of things now because I don’t want to die; I want to be around for my kid.”