OK boys, forget the Stay At Home message and trust your own instincts instead.
What’s worse than being in coronavirus lockdown for two months? Being in lockdown and deluded at the same time.
Is everyone else buying stuff you don’t need on the internet out of sheer boredom?
My voyage of discovery in the days of lockdown continues – and I’m happy to share my top tips.
Living north of the border has saved me some money. I reckon if I was down south, I would have had to buy a top hat, a chair and a whip. Then, like circus lion tamers from days of yore, I could control the virus no bother.
I am a late convert to the joy of Zoom quizzes – I had my first one with family members on Sunday.
I am constantly impressed with the ingenuity of local businesses to keep serving their communities through the coronavirus crisis.
Six weeks in and it appears lockdown fatigue is starting to set in.
I have been both supporting local businesses and helping the environment over the past few weeks.
Over the years I have proudly proclaimed that I don’t have a sweet tooth.
Voters being beaten by state police, polling stations being raided and shut down, political leaders arrested.
It was cabaret time in Aberdeen at the weekend ... not in any swish venue, mind, just in the city centre in general.
It’s now at the point of just being a huge tease, this whole city bypass malarkey.
Five years ago, if anyone had asked me where to see dolphins in Scotland, I’d have packed them off to the Moray Firth.
Just when I thought the “Scottish cringe” couldn’t get any worse it turned up last week, writ large.
I’m not big on having regrets in life – it’s too short for moping around thinking “if only I had ...”.
If moaning was a sport, some people in Aberdeen would be beating world records and winning Olympic gold medals.
I’m no stranger to the Edinburgh Tattoo and over the years I have watched US Marines throw around rifles with razor sharp bayonets, flaming arrows fired over the ramparts and cannons hurtle around the Castle Esplanade.
I’m still bitterly disappointed we’ve reached 2017 and I still don’t have a jet pack for getting around.
I indulged in a bit of time travel at the weekend ... and there wasn't a Tardis in sight.
The Doctor has been a part of my life for ... well, forever really.
Drugs raids are so commonplace these days that there is almost a "so what?" factor about the early morning clatter of battering rams on barricaded doors.
How's your Wednesday going then? Mine is all about lazing in the sun, drinking cold beer and reading cool books.
I love being Scottish … it suits me just fine.
I witnessed a dead man being brought back to life at a crematorium last week.
Like many of my generation getting a smack from mum and dad was part of growing up in the 60s and 70s.
There are two things in life which are, in my oh-so-humble opinion, a massive waste of time and effort.
I am lucky to live in one of the most beautiful parts of the world, with ancient castles, soaring mountains and stunning coastlines.
Right then, that’s us off to the polls again is it?
Three weeks ago I publicly declared I wasn’t going to moan about the AWPR roadworks on the A90 at Stonehaven.