The starting gun has already been fired in the race to tell Scotland how poor, how small, how weak and how useless it is.
If I was told I had to drive to a field in Dyce at 3am on a wild and stormy Saturday morning to get a Covid-19 vaccine, I would be there without a second’s hesitation.
I am determined to do something in 2021 I’ve never achieved before... keep my New Year’s resolutions.
Just three days left until we can finally put behind us the nightmare that is 2020.
Have yourself a merry little Christmas... well, as merry as you can make it.
I expect any day now to see a coronavirus graph showing that the fewer days to Christmas, the higher the level of public recklessness.
Can we all agree that Brexit is as far from an oven-ready deal as you can get... more like a dog’s breakfast?
I demand all screenings of Braveheart carry a warning that it is a work of fiction.
Christmas is a time for giving, so shop, eat and drink local and give them the chance to keep their heads above water. You can even buy a Christmas tree from them. Just don’t put it up until mid-December.
ANd with that, the clouds parted, a shaft of sunlight descended and a heavenly choir burst into an angelic chorus of “hallelujah”.
As all the clips of people celebrating the dumping of Donald Trump popped up on my timeline, I thought “I’ve seen this before”.
In the teeth of the coronavirus storm, there is one group of people who have been cruelly neglected and whose voices need to be heard.
We have seven days left to save the Free World as we know it.
I don't need any convincing we live in extraordinary times but, if I did, the harsh reality was brought home by, of all things, Strictly Come Dancing.
Nicola Sturgeon has lost me a bit with the no booze inside at all, no food inside after 6pm, but out you go and freeze your bits off if you fancy a pint and a takeaway burger at an outside table up to 10pm.
When I was wee, we were always told that in America, anyone could be president.
The last six months has been hard, but we have achieved so much together. Don’t start losing the plot now.
I am so excited for the brave new world of post-Brexit Britain and the myriad benefits it will bring.
Henceforth, I have decided I will drive at 80mph to help me get around the north-east that bit faster. Yes, I know that’s illegal, however, I will only be breaking the law in a very specific and limited way. It’s just a small matter of going 10mph faster than the speed limit when it suits me.
The high-profile raids carried out in Aberdeen are a sharp reminder that the scourge of the criminal drug trade is still a blight on the north-east.
A minor miracle has happened... I had my first normal weekend since lockdown.
Welcome back Aberdeen… nice to see the Granite City opening up now the local lockdown is easing.
This Friday at 7.25pm a momentous moment occurs... I will enter my 60th year.
Christmas is cancelled.
That's me back from my summer holidays in Canada then.
As lockdown eases it is so satisfying to get back out into the world to show off my toned physique.
At the very start of the pandemic, when lockdown was speculation not certainty, I was in London.
Is there anything better than a cold beer in warm sunshine and a bit of hearty food to go with it?
Finally, the arts are being thrown a lifeline in the devastating storm of coronavirus.
In the immortal words of Father Ted – “careful now”.