Fit in the world else could possibly go wrong?
I witnessed a dead man being brought back to life at a crematorium last week.
The speed at which the world of football operates means from when these words were written to the moment they appear on the page, Derek McInnes could be the ex-Aberdeen manager.
By the time you read this I could be in a Vietnamese morgue covered in a hundred tyre marks.
Were there a Scotland’s Got Political Talent it’s likely it would be ditched after only a couple of programmes, maybe even one.
The shenanigans at Aberdeen Town House, where we've witnessed just how the proportional representation system muddies our political waters, makes House of Cards look like Andy Pandy.
Like many of my generation getting a smack from mum and dad was part of growing up in the 60s and 70s.
There are two things in life which are, in my oh-so-humble opinion, a massive waste of time and effort.
The results are in so now it's time to look forward and put the interests of this great city and its people at the forefront of our deliberations as the newly elected councillors move towards forming its new political administration for the next five years.
I am lucky to live in one of the most beautiful parts of the world, with ancient castles, soaring mountains and stunning coastlines.
Many of you will have noticed Aberdeen - aka the Dons - are scheduled to appear in the William Hill Scottish Cup final at Hampden Park on May 27.
Right then, that’s us off to the polls again is it?
If I must consult a psychiatrist, the shrink just might unearth why I am unlike three-quarters of dads who, according to a survey, are too scared to investigate strange noises around the house during the night.
Three weeks ago I publicly declared I wasn’t going to moan about the AWPR roadworks on the A90 at Stonehaven.
Picture the scene: it's the delivery room in a maternity hospital near you in 2020.
My dad tried to instil in me a love of football and general and Hearts in particular.
When the idea of centralising police and ambulance control rooms was first mooted - and we know how much the Scottish Government likes centralisation - I didn't see what all the fuss was about from those who objected to the move.
Don't you love it when folk get all hot and bothered about the most trivial things.
There are several questions arising from the conviction of thug Aiden Bartlett and his unnamed 17-year-old cowardly pal for launching a brutal and unprovoked attack on Richard Boyd.
Can we not use the phrase "game on" about IndyRef2, please.
This will give us an excellent opportunity in the North-east of Scotland.
I was heavily involved in the pro-Union campaign in the first referendum and the public do not want a return to the division and uncertainty of that period.
Frank Gilfeather: BT’s performance is another example of high price we’ve all had to pay for privatisation
Pleased with BT's performance and charges?
The clock is ticking on Theresa May's countdown to Brexit and there are still a few unanswered questions.
I hadn't been aware until this week that a campaign had been launched by Alison Thewliss, the SNP MP for Glasgow Central, to persuade football clubs to become “breastfeeding friendly”.
Gosh it looks like I’m a racist now. How on earth did that happen?