Brainwashed by cult of celebrity

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THE world has changed quite considerably since I was a youngster.

I remember when Paul McCartney was the least favourite Beatle.

Now after a marriage to Heather Mills, a better than half decent solo album last year and an unexpected appearance on Peter Kay’s latest TV show he has become the nation’s favourite.

Admittedly the only competition he has now is Ringo Starr. A man who last week posted a video on YouTube asking people to stop sending him things to sign.

Yes, he may not have been the best drummer in the Beatles and yes he may have ridden on the coat tails of the other three and yes, you may wonder what the hell has he got to do just now that’s keeping him busy?

But these are the questions of a little person and not a celebrity. Clearly saying thank you to the people who put him where he is far too distracting from his current work on ermm…

I do get a certain amount of joy when celebrities make fools of themselves. Perhaps it makes our lives a little better?

For example Lee Ryan, the former member of boyband Blue, last week said that he could speak to dead people and that, more importantly they could speak back.

This is ridiculous enough, but became even more absurd when he said that the one dead person who visits him the most is Janis Joplin.

That’s right the legendary blues singer has taken time out of being dead to tell the legendary blonde anorexic mouse look-a-like Lee Ryan that he has a really good voice and that he shouldn’t take heroin.

There are certain politicians, who seem to have created and now live in a sort of quasi-celebrity world.

And they occasionally do stupid things too.

Who can forget Lembit Opik dumping weather girl Sian Lloyd to date one of the Cheeky Girls?

However, politicians are at their best when they find a cause and jump on the bandwagon without even a cursory look at Wikipedia.

Such as SNP MSP Christine Graeme’s motion in the Scottish Parliament to demand that the body of Mary Queen of Scots be taken from Westminster Abbey and brought to Scotland.

I’m sure I don’t need to tell you the injustice of the body of Mary Queen of Scots being in Westminster Abbey has long dominated chat in pubs and knitting circles from John O’Groats to Galashiels.

Why there haven’t been more or indeed any marches on the streets I’ll never know.

Does it really matter that Mary didn’t actually like the Scots? Or that the only reason she left France was because she fell out with the French Court, or that she would have preferred to have been Queen of England?

Or even that she was responsible for much infighting between Scots? No, of course not.

She has the words Scots in her title and that’s good enough for us.

Even though her son and heir James VI said that she should be buried in Westminster Abbey what did he know of what his mother wanted?

Once we’ve got the body back I say our next step is to storm every supermarket in London and reclaim all the cans of Irn Bru and Tunnock’s Caramel Wafers. That’ll show them.

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