‘Blind’ ref’s penalty call a sight for sore eyes

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A MAN on the moon, the destruction of the Berlin wall, I have seen some earth shattering, historic events.

But I never thought I would witness a penalty being awarded AGAINST Rangers at Ibrox in the final minute of a game.

Penalties against the Old Firm on their own patch are as rare as an away win in Europe for Celtic, and Dodos are spotted more than them.

Referee Callum Murray deserves a lot of credit for having the guts to award Inverness Caley Thistle the spot kick in the shock 1-0 win at Ibrox.

But the ’Gers fans were up in arms claiming the whistler needs his eyes tested.

So Murray went, but suffered a few problems at the opticians.

"So you think you are short sighted?" said the optician, walking over to the window.

"Do you see that round orangey thing up in the sky?" he asked.

"Yes, it's the sun," replied Murray.

"That's 93 million miles away. How far do you want to see?"

In a bid to lift morale in the ‘Gers dressing room, boss Walter Smith made the squad watch highlights from earlier in the season.

Unfortunately, most of the squad missed the footage as they blinked.

Rangers chiefs also sent notes to their fans asking them to cut down the “constant banging and noise from the back of the stand.”

Apparently it’s interrupting the players’ sleep.

Despite Rangers‘ slip-up, the SPL title race will still go right to the wire, unlike in England where Manchester United have the championship in the bag.

United midfielder Darren Fletcher’s house was, apparently, robbed by the same Liverpool-based gang that targeted a number of footballers recently.

It’s the only in way you’ll ever see a Premier League winners medal in Merseyside.

United’s historic bid for five titles this season could hit the skids in the Champions League, where they are up against Inter Milan and Fergie’s old foe Jose Mourinho.

The ‘Special One’ had a bottle of wine worth 300 Euros delivered to Fergie’s hotel room before their Champions League tie in Italy.

Mourinho reckoned it was nice to get an absurdly over-rated, over-priced, vintage red ...

United keeper Edwin Van der Sar lost his phenomenal shut-out record in the 2-1 win over Newcastle.

But Blackburn boss Sam Allardyce still reckons Paul Robinson is the top keeper in the league and has backed him to become England’s number one once again.

Big Sam handed Robinson the compliment at the weekend but the keeper still dropped it.

Meanwhile AC Milan have secured David Beckham until the end of the season from LA Galaxy.

Becks is on an annual basic salary in excess of $10 million, while the world is going through a recession.

I am feeling the pinch and have been eating spam every day. In sandwiches, cooked in a pan with a liitle bit of oil, in a stew – but just lately I've started to wonder......am I frittering my life away?

For a change I went into the butcher’s and said: "I'd like an oxtail please".

"Certainly," replies the butcher, "Once upon a time there was an ox..."

With all these genetically modified foods I always make sure I read the label...on my pig’s Wings.

But prices are sky high everywhere now. I went into an exotic pet shop looking to buy a tarantula. But they were charging £70! Forget this, I thought, I can get one cheaper on the web.